When Do Babies Get Separation Anxiety?
If there’s anything I know for certain after becoming a parent, it’s that every child goes through separation anxiety. Some more so than others! The thought of you being out of your baby’s eyesight is simply heartbreaking to them, and they don’t yet understand that you’ll be back! When you leave the room, you might as well pack a bag and head across the country, never to return!
While hearing your baby cry when you try to leave a room may tug on your parental heartstrings, rest assured that this is a normal part of your child’s development. Some babies experience extreme separation anxiety, while others experience very little. This can be true for the same mother but two different children!
Why Do Babies Get Separation Anxiety?
If you are stressing about separation anxiety, keep in mind that most babies go through it to some degree or another. This is because they struggle with object permanence at a young age!
Object permanence is the understanding that objects are still there, even if you can’t see them. This is why your baby may think it’s the end of the world if you leave the room without them!
When Will My Baby Have Separation Anxiety?
Most babies go through separation anxiety and can’t bear the idea of their caregivers leaving them in a room without them, even if it’s with a loving friend or family member.
Separation anxiety doesn’t exclusively happen in babyhood, it can also begin in toddlerhood! If it is seen in babies, it can start as early as 4-5 months as your baby recognizes mom! But usually, it begins to set in full force at nine months of age. This is usually worse if your baby is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. Maintaining morning routines is important for your infant to get on a schedule!
If you think you’re in the clear with a baby who hasn’t gone through separation anxiety, don’t count yourself out yet! Sometimes it develops later and becomes prominent in toddlerhood. This usually happens between 15-18 months and becomes worse as they become even more aware of your separations!
Preschoolers can also feel stressed at the idea of their parents leaving and begin screaming or crying, anything to get their caregiver to stay. Preschoolers typically understand that their cries can result in their caregiver giving in to their demands. Try to avoid caving to their cries (I know, I know, easier said than done), and make sure that when you say goodbye, it’s short and sweet.
How to Help My Baby Get Through Separation Anxiety
Although separation anxiety is stressful for both you and your baby, there are things you can do to help alleviate the tension. Follow some of these tips to get through this emotionally charged time:
Maintain a quick goodbye: Whatever your goodbye routine is, make sure that it is short and sweet. If you linger and give in to their crying, it can increase their anxiety around you leaving.
Be consistent: If there’s anything that a child needs, it’s consistency. Keeping your drop-off routine at the same time every day and saying goodbye the same way will help your baby learn what to expect and will help them trust that you will be back each day.
Give them attention: While your goodbye should be short and sweet with your little one, be sure to shower them with love before leaving.
Smile and stay relaxed: Children pick up on your vibes, so you want to stay happy to keep them calm during the transition.
Get your child engaged before leaving: Before dipping out and leaving your child for the day, try getting them engaged in a fun activity before you leave. This will make them excited to play and distracted by the fact that you will be leaving.
Don’t immediately return: Once you say goodbye for the day, don’t come back to give them affection. This will not only start the process all over again but stress them out as they will be confused, and the second goodbye could be even worse than the second.
Explain to them in terms they’ll understand: Sometimes kids will feel better if they have an idea of when they’ll see you next. Since most littles won’t understand what time it is and when you’ll be back, you could say, “I’ll be back after only one nap.” This will give them the expectation and comfort that you’ll be back after the rest.
Do a trial run: If your child is used to always being on your hip, try doing trial runs to have your child get used to you being gone. This could be with a trusted friend for a playdate or a fun-filled evening at grandma’s house!
Separation anxiety can be hard emotionally on both parents and child. It might seem like it will go on forever, but it won’t! It’s rare for separation anxiety to continue past preschool. If your child is in preschool or beyond, it’s worth giving their pediatrician a call for guidance.
Monitor Your Baby’s Milestones with Baby Connect
Nothing says “I love you,” like keeping track of your baby’s every burp, hiccup, and bowel movement. Especially as a new parent, it can be a lot to take in at once! One second, you only need to worry about yourself, and the next, you have a tiny human who you must provide for their every want and need. It can be stressful for even the coolest cucumber!
This is exactly why we created Baby Connect. It’s an app for new and experienced parents alike to keep track of all of their babies' milestones. From their first step, first word, and even first time without mom or dad, Baby Connect tracks it all!
